Alive, Astounded and Winded

[This is a cross-posting of the blog I write for Earthseed Land Collective. I write often, but post rarely, so I thought it best to maximize outlets when it happens.]

Somehow, in the midst of it all, the fireflies have returned. I noticed them again last night as I caught up with Santos and he shared news of the latest tragedy in Uvalde, TX. In that moment I had to look up, towards the horizon, away from the pain being reflected back to me in my brother’s eyes. “These tender human hearts hold so much” I said, wondering how much more mine could withstand. It was then that I saw the tiny bright light that holds the promise of life, of summer, of children frolicking bare feet on grass, running free.

My heart breaks open as I hold the tremendous loss and beauty that this world offers up so readily. Once again, we bear witness to the atrocities that can result from a wounded human soul and wonder how could this be? We are left behind, alive, astounded and winded from what feels like a relentless series of catastrophes. Grateful to be spared, certain of our mortality.

In the breaths between shedding tears, I recommit myself to the love that connects and heals us all. I hear the song of Eastern Towhee and I remember the many other realities co-existing simultaneously on our planet Earth. I try to find my center, among the trees, feet rooted in the lush green moss, allowing space for my emotions, realigning myself with the flowing of the creek.

I send prayers with my daughter as I dropped her off at school today. I send prayers to the families of the children and adults that were abruptly taken from us yesterday. I send prayers to the gunman who was undoubtedly suffering and pray that others in similar situations find peace. May we all have the space we need to grieve, to heal and to see the bright light of the fireflies.